A Day In The Life – Costel Hildr

Costel Hildr of The Infinte Battle presents a Day In Their Life 

I thought I’d transcribe what I do in a typical day. I contemplated on writing about Saturdays/Laugardag or about Wednesday, but those are strange days. So:

I often wake up around noon to 3pm.

I usually roll around in bed, angry at myself for having slept later than I meant to, but then also grumbling because if I didn’t sleep, I would be massively tired. No real win in this situation. I always need a lot of sleep and I can barely fall asleep before sunrise. Something about it. I just need to watch the sunrise in the morning.

I tell myself to get up out of bed.

Then I grumble and curl under the covers pretending the world doesn’t exist for a moment.

I usually text my mate, we Role Play (RP). I play as, primarily, Tony Stark, or whoever needs to be in the RP: including Odin, Fenrir, and others; my mate RPs as Loki. It’s a Marvel MCU and for some reason my fulltrui, actual “real” Loki loves that I do this. We introduced a lot about gods, theology, and things like ways to make offerings to gods. It’s a form of writing and Loki prefers that I make art. In fact, ’13’s Lokablot, He said: Make art for me. In a lot of ways, I consider this art. It’s a form of impromptu art. Planned, but not too planned. We do this for about an hour. Then I look at the time and get a little more angry at myself for wasting time.

I get up and go to my laptop and waste time on Tumblr, Twitter, FB, emails, and checking blogs for an hour. Then realize I’ve still not done anything and most of the day has been wasted.

I angrily make tea and eat some yogurt.

Then I flit around, unsure of what to do.

I walk by my public altar for Loki and clean things up.

Then I go back to my laptop and usually find a prompt for an article. I then write for several hours—for my blog, in general.

Annoyed that I spent the entire day inside at my computer, I go out on to the balcony and read. I have some books that Loki and Hel and others think would be beneficial for me to read. Right now as I type, I’m reading Duel with the Devil, which is about the first sensational murder in the USA.

I pass out. I also fall asleep when I read.

Groggy, I get up.

I feel like an idiot and a failure. Whatever happened to, oh I don’t know, doing good and awesome things for my gods? What about helping restore the shitty parts of the city or helping prisoners or the homeless and poor or children or educating people? Failure. That’s what I am. I just passed out on my sheepskin rug and twiddled my thumbs on the internet. Dammit.

I go back to my laptop and find a documentary or TV show or movie to watch. I knit while watching. (Right now, I’m making a “flame hair” hat which is red, orange, and another orange-color and is in the pattern to make it look like fire.)

Night falls and I pour water on a rock. Don’t ask me why, the landvaettir just like it. They want it at sunrise and sunset and it has to do with the sun/Sunna and moon/Mani, and I don’t know.

I check my ancestral altar and change the water and fiddle with things on it.

I thank the apartment-dwelling vaettir.

I make dinner and pick out the alcohol for the night (I like my variations). I place dinner (food and drink, in smaller portions than myself; I’m really strapped for cash and I barely have enough to give to him as well) on my personal altar for Loki and sit down on my bed, which is right next His altar because I don’t have room for a table and chair for me. I light some candles and/or incense.

I’m usually starving, so I scarf down dinner, ending up looking pretty rude, I bet. I used to stop after He made fun of me (Slow down. Come now, where are you manners?) but now I realize He’s mostly ribbing me. He does that rather constantly, so I just joke back. I usually put down my bowl, now empty, and sip the alcohol. This is often apple cider, mead, or whiskey; but beer isn’t a stranger either to my dinners. Personally I love vodka, but find that Loki isn’t as much as a fan of it, although I do use it when working with Odin.

I meditate and sometimes, Loki insists that I lie down. I often sort of grumble, but roll my eyes and go with it. I used to get embarrassed and feel horrible because He would suggest it, then I’d pass out, asleep, for several hours. I eventually learned that this was the sole way He could ensure that I slept at least a little every night. I have really bad sleeping hours.

I usually wake up some time later. Sometimes after having an odd dream, sometimes feeling dumb and sticky because I drooled all over myself. Sometimes I wake up to the sound of my own voice muttering words I have no idea what they are, which is terrifying.

If I don’t fall asleep, I usually talk to Him or pick up a book and read to Him (right now, it’s GoT: A Storm of Swords). Sometimes I have sex. I debated on mentioning that or not, but opted for “no reservations” about how my day goes.

I take His plate (unless He’s adamant that it remains) and my plate and drink, leaving His drink and go wash the dishes. I return to RPing with my mate, apologize that I passed out and forgot to tell her, and usually do work of some sort: writing, art, research. Sometimes I give in to being “worthless” and watch TV. Depending on what I watch, sometimes Loki joins me. I find that He likes TV. He likes stories.

At sunrise, I refill the bowl and pour out half the water, the half that is left is for sunset. Eventually, after sunrise, I curl into bed. Sometimes I pick up a book and fail to read it. Sometimes I curl up and think about how worthless I am. Sometimes I RP with my mate. Sometimes I realize Loki is tapping me on the shoulder. Sometimes I just fall asleep. Sometimes I think about how awesome the world is and how I’m actually pretty fantastic and that tomorrow, I’m going to try and do something worthwhile.

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4 thoughts on “A Day In The Life – Costel Hildr

  1. I am not quite sure of your personal situation. But here is my experience that helped me.

    Start small. You are thinking too big, the little things need help as well. Helping prisoners requires a LOT of time, energy and monies. It is much better to do it in an interfaith or with lawyers who are working then to take it on alone.

    By starting small, think of what you can do. You give offerings to the land wights. Can you start an herb garden, to help the butterflies and bees, to gain nectar that is more vitamin enriched. (apparently certain herbs are healing there). If you are interested I can look up the stuff and give you links.

    You say you crochet and or knit. When I was in Ms, while my husband checked out his interest in Christianity(he went to an Episcopal church), the ladies knit for the homeless shelter. Gloves, scarves etc. Can you do that? You can also check with the hospital to see if they need hats for babies that they give to new mothers or those that are in icu.

    Do you have a sewing machine, check out project linus. All of these are small helpful things.

    I’m sure Loki is covering the whole saying bad things about yourself. But if that doesn’t help, get a friend to bite you when you do. Nods sagely, it works on the Roman Polytheist that fell in my lap:P He says if he was a Native American his name would be broods till sunset.

    • Thanks for the advice! Admittedly, I had forgotten about knitting for the maternity ward and such. I know my grandmother used to do it. (She was the one who taught me to knit.) For the prisoners thing, it actually works in line with knitting, oddly. There’s is (or was) a charity at a nearby prison that teaches knitting to them (and they make dolls, which the donations then go to helping local kids). I tried talking with my criminology professors, but they didn’t help too much on charities that I could go through (or what sort of volunteer program the prison system has). [Sadly, I think the “helping prisoners” thing is a bust, so I’ve mostly given up on it.]

      I’ll have to try and start lower on what I do. I tend to get very into things. It’s a part of me: being very driven. Sometimes it makes it hard to get a good, hard base on occasion!

      In general, I just want to be useful to the community. That’s the heart of it all. Almost daily, I don’t think I’m being useful. I want to be helpful, but a lot of people I know, they’re great and do good things and I want to also help. Someone PMed me about this article and said, “I was surprised by the doubt in worth” and I didn’t even think about it that way as I was writing, but it’s true: there’s a lot worry about worth.

      Admittedly, an issue of mine is that also: brooding. I’m the worst of brooders! Two of my longest best friends are always sighing at me because I think too much. I’m always thinking and brooding and sometimes I just need to stop (but it’s sort of “who I am” too). My mate often growls at me about, eheh! Most people I know tend to. I’m slowly getting over it. Just, you know, there are bad days too!

      • Tell your friends to bite you when you brood. It works for the Capricorn that came into my life, but not my husband(why didn’t I get an instruction manual? Where is his off brooding button. Not only does he have Irish heritage, he’s a Capricorn so he has to do it right, rolls eyes) Failing biting, maybe tickling you. I dunno, reaching here.

        Umm your best bet for helping prisoners, is Christian charities. Go ask Angel Tree(they buy gifts for prisoners kids, so they can get a gift from the parent in jail). See who is the local prison chaplain and talk to them.

        I know many prison libraries need more books. Maybe call the local one and see if you can donate books and how do you go about it?

        Does any of this help?

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